


Are You Kidding Me

by CaraAkame



Series: Where Life Has Led You [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: AU, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:36:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8095315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraAkame/pseuds/CaraAkame
Summary: Roy Mustang asked his best friend Maes Hughes to help him find a date to a military ball. Maes Hughes never disappoints.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where Ed never joined the military.  
> In this AU Hughes also survived BECAUSE he didn't join the military.  
> This is unbeta'd, but I felt like writing something other than my long burn for a change.  
> I hope you enjoy this!

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”, a somewhat familiar voice calls out from behind Roy. He turns around and sees a handsome blond man in his twenties standing in front of Maes Hughes’ apartment.

“Hello? I’m-”, Roy starts, but gets interrupted by the other man: “General Roy Mustang. The Flame Alchemist. I know who you are. Though I’m a little bit surprised you don’t remember me.”

“I’m sure I would remember making the acquaintance of someone so exquisite-looking.”, the General says and he means it. The man in front of him looks like nobody else he’s ever seen. Long blond hair in a shade that can only be called gold, with eyes to match, and a physique that shows regular exercise, all topped off with a face that’s all sharp angles. He’d definitely remember this man. To make things even better, the blonde is wearing formal attire. A blood-red dress shirt with a gray vest, black tie and trousers, hair tied in a ponytail that reaches half way down his back. This must be his date. Roy feels like a very lucky man.

“He was right; you _are_ a sweet-talker. Man I’m going to murder Mr. Hughes for this.”, the as yet unnamed blonde says, more to himself than to Roy, who replies anyway: “I’m taking it you’re my date? And I’ll gladly help you murder Maes. He means well, but sometimes he goes a bit overboard. May I ask your name?”

The younger man looks at him with an intensity that makes him feel like everything else falls away and there is nothing left but himself and this attractive stranger.

“Ed. Or, well, Dr. Edward Elric.”, the man named Ed tells him, with an air of someone who thinks you should know this. And then, looking into those exquisite eyes, Roy remembers. He _should_ have recognized him. Those are the eyes that haunted his dreams for quite a while, until they were replaced by nightmares of his best friend getting shot.

This man was once a boy in a wheelchair, missing an arm and a leg, having an armor for a brother. That boy had looked at him with that same intensity when he had told them about the military. He never took him up on it, though Roy doesn’t know why. He was so sure they would come.

“Oh. You’re – ”, he starts, just to get interrupted again: “Ah, now he remembers. Yes, I’m that boy. If you have to know, I got my arm back. My brother got his body back too. It’s a long story. My leg’s still metal, but at least that way Winry will be happy.”

He remembers Winry too. She was the little girl in the house he met the Elrics in.

“Why didn’t you join the military?”, Roy blurts out. Edward looks slightly taken aback, but smiles and says: “I wanted to. But Al wouldn’t have it. Our Alchemy teacher took us under her wing when we told her. Well, right after beating us up for being so stupid in the first place. But she was pretty glad I didn’t become a dog of the military. No offence.”

“None taken. So, how have you been doing? You look like you’re doing well. And you have a PhD too? If this is where you are in life, I’m glad you didn’t join us. And how do you know Maes?”, the General says, getting a laugh from the blonde. It’s a nice laugh, full of genuine joy. “You ask a lot of questions. I’ll tell you later, yeah? We don’t want you to be late to your – whatever it is I’m supposed to be accompanying you to.”, Ed replies, laughter still in his voice.

“Yes, of course, sorry.”, Mustang replies. And for the first time in his life he’s actually glad he asked Maes for help in finding a date.

 -----

“A military ball. Mr. Hughes is an idiot. Why on earth would he think it’s a good idea to have me escort a General to a military event of any kind, let alone a _ball_?”, Ed says once they reach the gates of the Armstrong estate.

“Why?”, Roy inquires. Same sex couples weren’t really a big deal in Amestris, so there had to be some other reason. “Because, Roy, I’m told that I am a very rude person. Prone to swearing and eating a buffet dry within an hour if given half the chance.”, Ed replies. The blonde doesn’t seem very rude, but he’ll have to take it at face value. “I’m sure it will be fine, Ed. You don’t have to speak to anyone, if you don’t feel like it. And I’ll try to make sure you don’t eat the entire buffet all by yourself. I’ll help.”, the General tells the blonde, not expecting it to be very funny, but the young man laughs quite honestly at the joke and replies: “Alright, Mustang. I’ll just be arm-candy.”

“Perfect. Let’s do the rounds quickly and then attack the food. At least pretend we have manners, yes?”, Roy says, steering his date towards the hosts.

 

“Major Armstrong! Good to see you. Thank you for hosting such a wonderful ball. I’m warning you now, Major, Dr. Elric here and I will bleed you dry in the refreshments division.”, Mustang tells the burly man, earning a surprised look from his date and a very loud laugh from the Major.

“General Mustang. Thank you for coming. Don’t worry, my family is quite used to feeding people who require more food than the average human. Dr. Elric, you say? I’m Alex Louis Armstrong, by the way, nice to meet you. Are you the Dr. Elric from the hospital or the university?”, Alex asks the blonde, who replies: “The university. The other Dr. Elric would be my brother, Alphonse.”

“Ah, yes. Dr. Alphonse Elric. He treated Colonel Hughes, yes?”, the large man asks.

“The very same. Somehow my brother and I both got ourselves invited to his home for dinner once he was released from hospital.”, the younger man replies with a laugh.

“That sounds like him. Tell me, Dr. Elric, how many PhD’s do you have now?”, Alex inquires, getting a reply in an offhand tone: “Four. Modern Alchemy, Foreign Alchemy, Xingan Alchehestry and Foreign Languages. My brother decided to do his MD instead of Foreign Alchemy.”

“And yet, no State Certification.”, Armstrong states.

“Well, I had no interest in fighting somebody else’s war. No offence, Major.”, Ed tells him.

“None taken. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go greet some more guests.”, said Major says with a salute.

 

“Four. You have _four_ PhD’s. How old are you?”, Roy asks his date, being too shocked to ask earlier. “I’m twenty. I’m almost done with numbers 5 and 6. Combat Alchemy and Ancient languages. It’s really not that hard to get a PhD here. I’m considering doing a MD as well. I don’t want to be a doctor, but medical training is always good to have. Alchehestry can take care of most things, but it’s always good to know more, you know?”, Ed says, as if it’s not a big deal to have 4 PhD’s at the age of twenty. As if getting an MD is a nice hobby instead of a branch of study that takes most people a good eight years to complete.

“Just to crush my ego some more, how many languages do you speak?”, Roy inquires, slightly scared of the answer.

“Hmmm. Counting Amestrian? Eight.”

He was right to fear the answer. “Do I even want to know which ones?”

“The usual. Amestrian – obviously, Xingan, Cretan, Aerugan, Drachman. Those I’m fluent at. Then for PhD number 6 I’m learning Xerxian and Ishvalan. And just because I felt like it’s a good skill to have, I learned sign language. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find people to teach those last three. Xerxian I learned from my father and for Ishvalan I found some monk who was willing to teach a foreigner. Sign language can thankfully be learned from books alone, unlike the others. What’s wrong?”

Roy had stopped walking. He was just standing there staring at the blonde. He couldn’t help it. How on earth did one person learn all that in a lifetime, let alone in ten years. The boy had only known Amestrian then as far as the General knew.

“I’m just impressed. You did all that in just ten years?”, Mustang replies after shaking himself mentally.

“Well, yes. Had to spend the time somehow, and school was just useless. Al and I were trying to resurrect our mother at age nine, if you recall, so we read Alchemy books in class that were easily university level. And Winry was bored out of her mind. With eleven she built me my arm and leg, so you can imagine how much attention she paid in class. She and Al did the MD together, though obviously Winry went further into Automail. We kind of enrolled in university once I had my Automail figured out. They were a little bit hesitant to let us in, seeing as we were, like, twelve, but since we all aced every entrance exam they threw at us, they had little choice.”

“Okay, I’m just going to change the subject now because my ego is seriously bruised. You said Alphonse treated Maes? Is that how you met him?”

“Very smooth, Roy. Basically, yes. I drop by the hospital and help out a bit in the ER whenever they need help. Alchehestry focuses on healing, by the way. Obviously I’m not a doctor, but they know my brother and know that I’m just as trained at Alchehestry as he is. Usually they let me lose on burn victims because those are so difficult to treat normally. I was there when Mr. Hughes was brought in. I saw you there, by the way. But I don’t blame you for not recognizing me then. Al was tied up in an OR and the doctors asked me to assess the internal damage, before they operated on him. One wrong move could have dislodged the bullet and he wouldn’t have made it. It was a close call as is. I stopped the bleeding as much as possible while trying not to encase the bullet by accident.

"He doesn’t remember that, obviously, but technically that’s how we met. Al must have told him. He was the one who operated on him later. Dude got released and wouldn’t take no for an answer when it came to eating at his place. We come by quite a lot. Sometimes we babysit Elicia when he and Mrs. Hughes need a night off. Or help out when he’s on mission.”

Roy doesn’t quite know how to reply to that. Not only is this man a genius and handsome to boot. No, this man and his brother saved his best friend’s life. They babysit his goddaughter.

No wonder Maes thought setting them up was a good idea. Hughes was well aware that the qualities Roy valued in people – friends or in a romantic setting both – were compassion, intelligence and skill. This man was all that _and_ really good looking.

“Thank you. You and your brother both. For saving my best friend’s life. If he had died, he would have taken much of me with him. I don’t think I would be able to smile now, if you hadn’t saved him. I don’t think I can ever repay you for that.”, the General finally says.

Ed looks extremely surprised for a second, but then he smiles, and says: “We were only doing our jobs, but if you feel like you owe me anything, you can treat me to dinner.”


End file.
